Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
