At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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