He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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