i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
