my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize