Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
