okay pat passed out under dana's car
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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