it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All the doctor said was why
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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