I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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