The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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