My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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