Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
