oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
