Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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