WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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