the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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