you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize