While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
