can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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