oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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