I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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