What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is glitter all over my balls
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