Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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