remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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