My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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