did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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