well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
