it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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