I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
