If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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