TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
