I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
