remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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