I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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