Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
