You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
