Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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