I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
