fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
