Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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