i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
