I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
