I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
