I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So squirting runs in the family.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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