i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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