Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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