Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
