My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
