i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
FUCK WHALES
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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