Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
