All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
