Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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