Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
