Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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