dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
