he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
