Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
