i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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