a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
