If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
