If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
