Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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