Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
