If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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