well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Buhtt sex?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
